Day Forty-Five

Sometimes your brain feels like it is on a merry-go-round and focus is hard to come by. Sometimes the barista at Starbucks looks at you fearfully and hands you the green tea latte she has made. It tastes like foamy rabies saliva, bright green like Romulan blood, and you drink it anyway. Sometimes you stand in a long line to buy one book that costs $121.00 with tax. The book is for school, and you know that you will only get $5.00 max for it at the end of the semester. This will not even cover the minimum payment that has caused your credit card to be rejected because Netflix placed an unwarranted fee on it without letting you know, and now you walk away without the book but with the knowledge that you will be behind on your homework. Sometimes your refund check from the university you attend does not arrive when you need it. Sometimes it is grey and you walk around in the misty rain as it seeps cold into your bones while you try to fill time in between classes. Sometimes you seek to fly free of the nest and the rules that make you feel stuck, only to bump into restrictions from others. Sometimes your full of blessings that keep trying to force you to analyze them when you just want to pour gratitude and joy onto their brightness. Sometimes your beautiful holiday guests leave and you receive quiet in return, only to find there is no silence inside. Somehow I walk alone in this world yet, there is a Spirit holding my hand and a Lion both soft and ferocious never far away. He walks with me and the "sometimes" are just sometimes. They are surrounded by peace, contentment, and love. And the day has truly been beautiful, there has been strength and independence to place a wide smile on my face. And there are plays to be written, possibilities in the air, assignments to be checked off on a syllabus, and moments to receive with adoration for the Giver. The future is finished and untouchable. I never met anyone or any circumstance in a tomorrow. Each today (raindrop, latte, rejected credit card, opportunity, brave step, minute) I choose positivity and love adds up to a victorious finish lovingly walked out for me before I was born. "Sometimes" are temporary. I am "sometimes." Today I entrusted my day to the Lord and He added it to forever by overflow of His love. Happiness is not always the easiest choice. Yet, I am finding the work pays off in -- contentment. And not just sometimes.