Day Five

Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him. - Job


When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul.” - Ps. 94:19


God is bigger than the boogeyman, He's bigger than Godzilla and the monsters on TV, Oh, God is bigger than the boogeyman, and He's watching over you and me. - VeggieTales


Earlier in the week, I went into a gas station (Not BP) to buy some sodas for my friend Jamie and myself. Well, sodas and a really dry Moon Pie. When I went up to the front to pay, I slid my card through the credit card machine and looked up at the man behind the cash register. Are you wonderful? He asked, his voice thickly accented -- a smile on his face. Am I wonderful? What could have been interpreted as a slip-up in this man's English became a pretty beautiful question. In a brief moment, I felt the peace in my heart and the contentment in my life. Things weren't perfect. Sure I'd been sick, I need a job ... But I was absolutely wonderful. Yes. I told him. I'm wonderful. Thank you. Have a great day. I went back to my car feeling blessed in a significant way.
Worry. I've always been a big worrier, since I was a little girl. Such a silly kid, with a lot of intensity and big, adult things on my mind. I've gotten better about it. As I've experienced certain things in my life, I've learned to let go some. Realized, some things they just don't matter. Life is short. Moments are to be lived to the full. But there are those things that still hover underneath the surface. The things that might be at the back of my mind, but there still there. No matter how often I try to push them down.
What I do know for sure is that the bigger the things are I seem to worry about, the more God uses them. The more my life is having impact. In great ways He uses these things I'm worrying about to teach me amazing things. And He always takes care of it, no matter how much time I spend worrying about it or how little time. So I seek to let go. I turn things around. I ask to carry His yoke, because it is much lighter than mine. He doesn't mind trading even though He might get the yuckier deal. 
I try not to waste my moments on things I can't control. It isn't easy and it has taken me a long time to get to where I am now, even. In the grand scheme of things, I am loved by the creator of the universe, I get to spend time with people I love, I get to help people and I laugh a lot. Everything else will work itself out. Not always easily. Sometimes with incredibly great pain. But He is faithful. Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him. 
I guess asking to see the view from His eyes is always a beautiful thing. Normally, I ask even, to just have him shine a flashlight to the next tiptoe - I'll trust Him the rest of the way. We weren't meant for worry. We just weren't. Though, at times we let it swallow us. One of my favorite questions I like to ask -- What's the last moment you worried about, before realizing it wasn't worth worry at all? Well, that and, What is the best thing that happened to you today? And my new favorite -- Are you wonderful? Well, aren't you?