Day Eighteen

If you're scared to death, do it scared. 
-- Beth Moore


Today I don't want to write this. At this moment, I want to close my eyes and rest my thoughts on the shelf. I want a body that doesn't ache. I want to finish the book I'm reading. I want to work, geekily, on some fanfiction. And I want a big, squishy hug.
Today I desire to sit down with God, but I don't know if I will. Today, I desire to know everything will be alright. Today I desire His soothing.
Today I should be writing letters. At this moment, I should be taking a walk. Tonight, I should be washing my clothes, starting to pack. Later, I should be out with friends.
I wish I knew when I would have a job. I wish I knew how relationships would work out. I wish I had a big piece of chocolate, dipped in caramel ... Whipped cream? I wish I was with artsy friends being creative. I wish I was helping someone in need of extra love. I wish I was laughing until my cheeks hurt and my tummy becomes sore.
Today I am human. At this moment, I am where I am. Tonight I will still be beautiful and loved. Later, I will continue to have purpose and to be Free.
I am brave. Fear no longer paralyzes me. Being uncomfortable and having "nervies," helps me step to the next level, to rise to meet things. Overcoming helps the parts in between make more sense, become extra special, and shows me how to recognize the next time.
Peace comes when I need it.
I am His.

Art by Frank Chimero